I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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