I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
