so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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