I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
