Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
