the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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