I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
