I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
