We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
