your parents love me but you hate me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
