your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
