well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
