I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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