is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
