On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
