I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
