She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
