this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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