You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
