You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
