I'm pants shitting drunk right now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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