dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
