hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
