Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
