I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
