he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
