So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He shit in the fireplace
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
