Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
