If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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