He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We have started to decorate penises.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
