I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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