There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
