I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
