I can't breathe out the right side of my face
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
