I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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