yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
