what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
