i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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