she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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