Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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