a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
