Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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