I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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