yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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