420 ftw
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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