Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
ok first of all what the fuck
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
