Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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