WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
