Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
why is half of my head shaved?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize