I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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