Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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