either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
